By the Tuesday after the long weekend, a mere 3 days after Proposal, I was formulating guest lists. Somehow i instinctively knew that this was a prerequisite for any future planning activities. Maybe I’ts my schmarketing background demanding a logical approach, the 'whats' of the what, where, when and how - why taken care of and compartmentalised. Prospective Guests, our family and friends, essentially became numbers, quantities, covers, passengers, chairs. Objects stripped of any personality to fill spread sheets and order forms.
Fiance sighed indignantly at the first mention of Guest List. Not recognising it as an integral part of any further planning (of which he also did not wish to be involved with). I saw it as something that was not only the foundation on which other crucial activities relied but also something that Fiance would struggle with. Guys just don’t think about that kind of stuff in advance. I knew he would want to invite three soccer teams, everyone from work as well as everyone he ever went to school with. Ever. Yep, I was pretty much right. It warranted a serious sitting down and a grown up discussion. I showed him my initial list and suggested he at least give it some thought over the coming days.
Much to my surprise, Fiance returned home from work the following day, with a printed list of guests (numbers to me). It was extensive. “A good starting point”, I said. Now we arrange them into tiers. The ‘must haves’, the ‘really would like to haves’ and the ‘if we cans’. Then there are the ‘maybes’.
It was excruciating but also strangely cathartic to go through the process of classifying your friends in such a way. And also fascinating that some that may have been considered ‘must haves’ not so long ago, had slipped into the realm of ‘maybes’.
Something that should be done perhaps on an annual basis, like sorting your wardrobe after a change in season or cleaning out the pantry. Who would have ever thought that Wedding could prompt such insightful life lessons. Although, the introduction of facebook really negates the need to make an event of it, the cleansing of the friendship database is now a perpetual and fleeting judgement call, based on frivolous and unspoken criteria. More often than not, ‘your status updates annoy me so you can no longer be my friend’, they are cast off like lepers, intolerable and unnecessary. The same ruthlessness must be applied to the Guest List. Each person/friend/acquaintance carefully considered for their particular return on investment. What value are you bringing to my life person/friend/acquaintance? And how long do I expect you to hang around for. Family members cannot be classified in the same way. They belong to another group, the ‘non-negotiables’. Controversial and contentious and non-negotiable.
So, after all is said and done, we have a tidy little list carefully formatted. The best part? It’s flexible. Those who didn’t make the cut are put onto a reserve list and filed away onto their own little work sheet. The emergency list. Can’t wait to make that phone call – “hey look, we didn’t officially invite you cos you’re not really one of our preferred friends but we’ve had a cancellation and we pulled your name out of a hat. We would love you to come and share our special day with us, now that our real friends can’t make it, if you promise not to be too much of an asshole.”
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