Fiance and I had discussed planning roles and responsibilities about 16 hours in. The general consensus was that they would pretty much all be mine. He had effectively given me full control and expressly stated that he did not want to be involved in anything to do with flowers, photographers (apparently they are just photos and all look the same anyway), or bonbonierres. Especially bonbonierres. I recall a conversation we had early one morning. I hadn't been sleeping well, my mind preoccupied with the most trivial details. This particular night, bonbonierres. "I dreamt of bonbonierres", I explained to Fiance, my mind still ticking over with ideas, how I could integrate the wedding favours into the table design, what were some sustainable options that were still tasteful and would be a uninanimous hit amongst the guests, bonbonierres that people would talk about for years to come. It's moments like these that signify the very early stages of weddingmania, a marker of my marbles slowly starting to roll away, one by one. Fiance couldn't help, "What is a bonbon?" he asks. Another marble escapes, "Bonbonierres", i correct, "You don't know what a bonbonierre is?" OK, admittedly, I would be worried if he did, but in my sleep deprived, marble losing state, I was in disbelief.
Coincidentally, about 48 hours later, we were browsing through our local book shop. Fiance came across this one
I suggested that Fiance pick up a copy. He didn't. I'll be heading back to the bookstore this weekend to grab a copy for him (and maybe i'll have a read to). Anything to help fiance understand what I'm going through, if not to at least understand some of my psychoweddingbabble language.
It's tough on the boys. They experience all the stress in the lead up to the proposal, then after a period of calm and pure happiness, its the girls turn. As usual, its always harder and more stressful for the girls. But we really bring it on ourselves. Even from the first wedding conversations I had with people I was saying, "we just want something low key, we're not going to stress about it, it's not our style". Not "our" style, but maybe my style.
With the benefit of hindsight, I'm now able to realise that things can get stressful when you don't have a clear idea of what you want. There are so many questions to be answered, so many options and so many decisions to be made. I'm a pretty indecisive person, i struggle making a decision between two types of tinned tomoatoes at the shops. I need Fiance to give the final approval, "that one". Or, from time to time, a stern word, "it's your decision babe, just choose one."
Anyway, I digress. Back to this little concept of "getting your groom onboard". I had a discussion with a girlfriend on the weekend on this. Talking of wedding plans, she asked whether Fiance was getting involved. "Not really" i replied. I know him and he trusts me. If there is something I think might be borderline, then I'll run it past him. I give frequent but brief updates. Unecessary to Fiance. She assured me that her wedding plans took much the same route. Her fiance only stepping in as required with ambiguous interpratations of some theming ideas. She recalled regretting ever asking his opinion when her ideas were met with objection. We also shared stories of having heard other fiances totally getting on board. They would be intimately involved in every decision right down to choosing the ribbon to go on the invites. No thankyou. That's just not right. Stories like this make me pretty grateful that fiance is more than happy for me to run with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment