Rules of Engagement

Rules of engagement: In military or police operations, the rules of engagement (ROE) determine when, where, and how force shall be used. Such rules are both general and specific, and there have been large variations between cultures throughout history. The rules may be made public, as in a martial law or curfew situation, but are typically only fully known to the force that intends to use them. The ROE should comply with the generally accepted martial law. (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Rules of Engagement: A sitcom, starring David Spade, that debuted on CBS in 2007. Produced by Adam Sandler's Happy Madison Productions in association with CBS TV and Sony. Now in its 6th season.

Rules of actual engagement? There aren't any that I'm aware of.
Seriously, someone needs to come up with some real life rules of engagement that we can integrate into the day to day life of being engaged. We used to have tradition to lean on to give us a loose framework of how things should run. Since tradition went out the window, along with good manners, good morals, and the ability to merge in peak hour traffic and effectively use roundabouts correctly, we're all flying a bit blind. The intergenerationalism and multiculturalism that (i assume) are features of most weddings, mean that we are dealing with a whole variety of perceptions and interpretations of tradition and varying levels of attachment to this tradition.

OK, so as tradition has taken a backseat over the years (or so people would like to think) it is still very much at the heart of the whole idea of marriage. And it's not a bad thing people! Tradition is not a dirty word. As much as sometimes we dont like to admit it we, as humans, need rules. At least a loose bundle of the social fabric that allows us to interact on a daily basis. In the context of a wedding, its that foundation that the rest can be built on. The pizza base before all the toppings go on, the most essential part that if its not there, you dont have a pizza at all, you just have some tomato sauce and a bit of cheese really.

At the moment, I would say we are just in the process of understanding the recipe for the best dough in order to make ourselves the best base. As previously mentioned, I've already got a couple of toppings set aside ready to go, no cheese.

But i digress. The rules of engagement? where are they? I refer mostly to this engagement party caper which we are in the midst of planning.

Being engaged for some weeks now, a common comment of any wedding /engagement talk is, "who cares what anyone else thinks - its all about the two of you." This is simply not true. OK, so the nitty gritty of betrothal IS about us, but, in my limited experience, it's about balance, trying to keep everyone happy, and graciously accepting advice no matter how misdirected it may be! Its as if, getting engaged opens the flood gates to friends, acquaintences and absolute strangers alike to make outrageous suggestions of what, how, where, when and why. A colleague of Fiances (one I've never met or heard of) just the other day took it upon herself to suggest a song that should definitely be played at our reception, because she likes it and thinks it is a very nice song to be played at a wedding. Instances like this are now not uncommon.

I must point out at this time, that I have become a little (fiercely) protective of Wedding. It's ours and you can't touch it. However, we will share it with a select few.

Apologies for the incoherent and disjointed rambling today. I must explain myself and the reason for this particular post.

Engagement Party has arrived on the scene. We'll call it Engagey for short. Engagey is at this point not causing me to lose sleep, but is has been a bit of a chameleon. At this point, I'm a bit in love with Engagey as it exists in my head. How that is translating into real life is another story. But for the most part it's fun, exciting and

Engagegy is like Weddings little sister, the crazy, carefree one that is a bit of a basketcase but in an affable, easy going way. Wedding is a little more serious and uptight. Wedding could take a leaf from Engagey and vice versa. You can tell they are related but they are both distinctively different.

Apparently, it's not true Engagement etiquette to throw a party but according to "The A-Z of manners and etiquette" there are a few "important" engagement party rules and guidelines to follow including but not limited to:

1. No one should be invited to the engagement party that is not invited to the wedding. - Uh oh. Our Engageys first faux pas. Fiance we have a problem, there is no way we can have 3 soccer teams at Wedding. We are more than likely not abiding by this one - not a good start. More so, Engagey is a good way for guests to lavish gifts upon us and impress us with their cordiality. There is still time for them to fight it out for a spot in the top 80 or so for Wedding.   

2. Guests are not expected to bring gifts to an engagement party, but if they do, open them in private or after the party. Don't forget to send thank you notes.   Oh yes, by all means they are not expected to bring gifts, but it WILL help secure a place in the aforementioned top 80. And if we dont like the unexpected gift, no one will know cos we'll open it in private and each mark down a score out of 10 which will be considered as a part of a total score for the evening.

3. The bride's father is the first to invite the guests to raise their glass in honor of the bride-and-groom-to-be. The guests will drink a toast to the happy couple. The couple do not drink at this time. - Sweet baby jesus. I'm actually reading these for the first time just now. Looks like we're going to need a comprehensive set of notes to know when and where and under what circumstances we are able to sip our drinks. Sounds like fun.

The groom-to-be says a few words, then offers a toast to honor his bride-to-be and her family.

After his short speech, other guests may propose toasts to the couple and their parents. 

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Traditionally, the parents of the bride host the engagement party, but there aren't hard and fast rules.

Alternatively, the bride and groom can host it themselves, or a friend or other family member can undertake the hosting duties.

It is not good engagement party etiquette to ask your bestman or matron of honor to host the engagement as they will have other parties to host, don't forget the Bridal Shower and the Bachelor Party.  - oh yeah, we won't be forgetting thoooooooosssseee.

6. The style and size of the party depends on your budget and what you prefer. It can be a formal affair with printed invitations and reply cards, a casual backyard barbecue, or anything in between.

Typically, engagement parties are a cocktail event or casual in nature since you want the happy couple to be able to mix and mingle throughout the evening with family and/or friends.

7. For those with especially long engagements, engagement parties are held one to three months after the engagement, and/or about a year before the wedding.

For others it can be held any time more than six months before the wedding.

Well, i asked for it! Geesh. Looks like there are some rules in place. There is no reason you should feel obliged to have a party to celebrate your engagement. its not a requirement, but if you do choose to do so, there are an extensive set of guidelines and etiquette that come along with it. Now is anyone else as confused as me?

Bugger it, screw you etiquette, its all about us anyway.