Being on the bridal train is a special journey. It’s nothing like any other train I’ve ever been on. It doesn’t smell bad and you don’t need to listen to your iPod the whole way and wear sunglasses in a vain attempt to avoid eye contact and, god forbid, conversation with other passengers. Being on the bridal train allows you to sit back and bask in your acquired situational narcissism, in the full knowledge that no one of the other passengers (who are not the bride) can do anything about it.
That’s right –I’ve discovered that a ticket on the bridal train is like a get out of jail free card, you can say or do just about anything pertaining to Wedding and no one has any right of reply whatsoever - even if they disagree. You might catch the occasional exchange of an eye roll or two in response to your idea but I’m yet to come across anyone brave/stupid enough to verbalise their disapproval/disagreement. It’s fascinating.
Back in the real world, my ideas are met with objections, disapprovals and disagreements on a daily basis. But the minute I step foot back onto that bridal train, a blanket of silence descends. I’m greeted with big cheesy grins and lots of enthusiastic head’s nodding up and down. Even when prompted “Do you think that’s a good idea?”, wary fellow passengers exclaim “Yes, sounds amaaaaazing!”, followed by the usual disclaimer “It’s your day, as long as you’re happy.” Translation: “Omg you can’t be serious, that sounds ridiculous but I can’t actually say that to you in case you have a mental breakdown and throw me off the train and I would like to stay on the train it smells nice so I’m just going to agree with you no matter what.”
This is fine, I enjoy being agreed with. It could be dangerous. Things may get slightly out of control. Something like this might happen:
All because everyone was walking on wedshells. What are wedshells? Well, they are special little wedding eggshells, and if you break one a little bridezilla escapes and comes and bites you on the face.
So why do people walk on wedshells? Here are some reasons that I have adapted from some material on borderline personality disorder, which is apparently not too dissimilar to being on the bridal train.
Walking on wedshells describes a sense of feeling it is necessary to maintain an abnormally high level of vigilance, or an unusually high level of caution in a particular situation. You may feel this state of vigilance is necessary because you hope that by being very careful in all that you say and do, their "crazy bridezillarish" behavior might be reduced or avoided.
Everyone walks on wedshells from time to time in order to preserve the peace in their lives. The question becomes, "how much walking on wedshells is good for me and those around me? When does it become dysfunctional and unhealthy?"
If you live with someone who is on the bridal train, walking on wedshells has probably become part of the ‘background’ of your life. During periods of peace and calm, you may find yourself anxiously wondering when the next storm will hit, knowing that it may be unexpected and totally out of the blue.
Like walking on something thin and fragile, you fear that a single misstep or mistake will cause the bridal train to derail. You watch your Bride for signs of approval or disapproval of your every word, every thought, every action, and every behavior.
It is important for you to realize that you are a sane person in an insane situation. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you certainly cannot cure it. You are entitled to a little peace in your life and to your own reality.
So, how do you avoid walking on wedshells?
Speak clearly, calmly and slowly. Maintain YOUR version of reality, while being as validating as possible. Lower your expectations that the Bride is going to act rationally. It isn’t going to happen. At least not overnight.
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