Hi. This is awkward. It’s been a while. It’s not that you haven’t been in my thoughts. You have been. Every day. Ok, that’s a lie, maybe every second day. If not once a week. God it’s been forever hasn’t it? I feel like such a bad blogger. Like I’ve abandoned you. Like I’ve abandoned myself. Because, at the end of the day, this really is nothing more than a self indulgent monologue. So really, that’s a good thing. Like I haven’t needed to have a chat to myself. Pah, as if. I talk to myself all the time. I have the BEST chats with myself. Until I get annoying. And then it’s back to awkward, nothing more awkward than the moment you realise you’ve pissed yourself off, nowhere to hide from that.
OK truth be told, I’ve got another excuse. I’ve been growing my nails, which makes typing a little difficult, which in turn makes me thoroughly question my need to blog. So please excuse any typos from this point forward. Nails.
I can tell you that Wedding is progressing in leaps and bounds. I’m actually growing weary of people asking me how the wedding plans are going as I can’t remember the last time I laid an actual finger on the wedding plan. Other than that time I glanced at my budget with overwhelming confidence that it was completely and utterly under control. Eek. I hate money. Actually no, that’s ridiculous. I love money, but when it’s in spreadsheet form showing money spent against money owed, and one amount is disproportionately higher, money gets a bit tedious. When it comes to wedding, I like to say money schmoney. Pfft. Money? Money schmoney.
It’s not like there is an actual blue print plan of wedding. It’s not like a house plan. I like to think of it as a masterpiece in progress. It constantly evolves and transforms itself at every turn/day/mood. It’s always lovely though. It reminds me of a recent episode of ‘Grand Designs’ in which the family was building this sustainable, crazy, amazing house based on the design that lived only in the patriarchs head. The timeframe wasn’t locked in, nor the budget. It was just this thing that they all had to have, the family completely got it, completely trusted in dads vision and that, eventually, he would create something so unbelievable. So, after 5 years they had a remarkable home kind of nearly on the way to being finished and a bit over budget. Meh. Budget smudget.
It’s been nice to have this time to sit back and bask in our betrothal. It’s the whole reason why we chose not to rush the nuptials - to avoid feeling unnecessary stress or pressure. I mean I don’t begin to profess that this process is without its stress, but it’s necessary stress. They are inherently different. But I’m totally in a time slip.
I’m subscribed to a few wedding blogs, one of which in particular is very, very good and therefore tends to become a sort of black hole in the universe for me. I can lose hours on this site. I’ve also taken to getting overly excited by incidentals. And I mean breathless with excitement. Giddy almost. It’s pathetic. But it’s so fun. My Achilles heel at the moment would have to be flower girls. OMG THEY ARE SO CUTE. One day I spent nearly two hours beside myself with excitement copy and pasting random flower girls and emailing them to MOB one at a time. A few days later it was flowers. Poor MOB. I get excited.
The day I found potential bridesmaids dresses? I very nearly wee’d in my pants. I sat in my chair at work almost convulsing with excitement. It can get lonely though. It’s not really a feeling that can be translated to other non-obsessed-by-anything-wedding types. They’ll just kind of glance at it and go “Meh – yeah it’s nice”. “Nice. Nice?” seriously. “Nice? It’s amaaaaaazing, it’s the most gorgeous little page boy outfit/ seating plan/invitation I have EVER seen.” Omg, invitations!? How can one little white piece of card with dove grey writing on it, be so god damn adorable? Ridiculous but its where I’m at, alone. Funny, it has taken me a while to realise how little this means to everyone else who’s not me. It is a very solo project, but that’s ok. I still love it.
I’m only slightly concerned that I have actually lost track of time and keep telling people its 9 months when it’s actually 8. Hopefully I’ll catch up as the day gets closer. I’ll make up the time somehow. Hopefully not in my dreams. The ones where its 4:30pm on our wedding day and we’re not at our ceremony yet and we’ve just realised the photographer hasn’t turned up. No.
To counteract the loss of months, I’ve actually put myself on a new timeline. Wedding will be signed and sealed by September, to allow for other seemingly endless social engagements and activities to overtake that month and the next. So I’ve effectively discounted them from the timeline. They’re gone. So I think I also need to adjust how many hours are left and, in turn, the name of this blog. I’ll have to get around to that later. But there are so many other FUN things to do, like listen to potential ceremony songs over and over again. Seriously, I have three candidates, and I can not split them. Listening to them more, just makes me love them more, and I get a bit teary at times, which can draw some curious attention. Especially when I’m teary in the car on the way to work. People must think I really hate my job to be crying on the way to work. No, no, no, they clearly don’t know me - I usually do that on the way home.
Another favourite past time of mine currently while I’m afforded such luxury, is honeymoon planning. Now THAT is fun. Dreaming of exotic locations where we have nothing to do except be Mr and Mrs, but that’s a whole new story. I promise I won’t leave it so long this time.
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