Répondez s'il vous plaît

In the context of social invitations RSVP or Rsvp (or either of these with a full stop inserted after each letter) is a request for a response from the invited person. It is derived from the French phrase répondez s'il vous plaît, meaning "Please respond".

With Engagey looming on the horizon, I have currently received a number of replies to our invitation sent some weeks ago. However, the process has been enlightening to say the least and has led me to query to concept of répondez s'il vous plaît and its translation into modern day society.

I must say I was expecting a flurry of activity the minute those invites were hitting letterboxes across Perth and beyond. I had fiancé on standby to accept and respond to calls, text messages and emails with invited guests frothing at the mouth of the very thought of being thought of highly enough to have received an invitation.

To say the very least, we weren’t exactly overwhelmed at the response.

As it stands, we currently have 9 days until the date set for RSVP’s expires and invitations which have been ignored/not responded to will self combust in the lounge rooms, mail piles, on the refrigerators etc around the country leaving behind the stubborn stench of disapproval and a dirty brown stain. Emily Post (an American author famous for her writings on etiquette) will haunt the non responders, eerily reappearing every time a social faux pas is committed. She will loiter eternally in the gaping chasms that have become their social calendars, the ghost of etiquettes past ever present, urging them to respect the RSVP. “Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P. on it is obliged to reply....", comes Emily’s haunting whisper.

Granted, RSVP’s are never really as important to you until it is your own function. This, added to the dilution and misinterpretation of the standard throughout time, have left the good old Répondez s'il vous plaît in left sitting in a stark shade of grey, snuggled right up next to negotiating roundabouts and opening the door for a lady. We’re all just a bit confused about it.

In some discussions on sending RSVP invitation to friends there is speculation that response ‘deficits’ can be attributed to those invitees who have misunderstood the RSVP as a request for reply only from those planning to attend.

Some highlights from the whole RSVP process so far include:

- The Man RSVP
Most of fiancés friends seem to have mastered the concept. They are kicking etiquette goals. Emily Post would hold them in very high regard. Especially when compared to the next group.

- The Referred RSVP’s
People who think it is acceptable to tell a fellow invitee that they will be attending without actually telling the actual inviter. These people have a serious issue with their ability to follow instructions and I would be surprised if they could find their way out of a paper bag let alone to the actual physical address of the function they have told a relative or friend of mine that they are/are not attending.

- The Social Media RSVPI didn’t send the invite on facebook so it’d be better if you didn’t rsvp on facebook but hey, you just did. I suppose I should be grateful that you’ve bothered at all unlike the…

- Non repliers
These people are either:

a) keeping their options open for a better offer
b) forgetful
c) rude
d) think they will surprise us by showing up on the night
e) firmly entrenched in Gen Y stuff and are not at all baffled by the concept, that just choose not to conform to social ideals and etiquette schmetiquette really
f) all of the above and I’m betting have never been through this process for themselves

I’ve had cause to contact some non repliers for other purposes during this time and sensing their desperation to completely avoid the topic of Engagey, have innocently queried “Did you get our invitation?” Their beleaguered response, “Yes, thank you. Insert passive non committal response here.” Insert raised eyebrows and eye roll here.

You know people, its fine. Sometimes you can’t make it to things. We know that, and we won’t be offended if you have other plans. We’d just like to know so that we can make adequate arrangements. It’s really that simple. Luckily, over catering features strongly on the agenda of both families, so should you continue to throw caution and the Emily Post Institute Guide Book to the wind, I’m sure we’ll have a spare cucumber sandwich and a copy of the 18th Edition of ETIQUETTE waiting for you.

Lowest prices ARE just the beginning...

Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain. – Confucius.

That all sounds great. So what changes after you get married?

I’m not expecting a whole lot will change for fiancé and I in terms of how our relationship works. We already own a home together which we live in together. We already know how the other reacts to certain behaviors and the remedy for disagreements. These remedies are arranged on a sliding scale in direct correlation to the extent of the disagreement/ undesirable behavior. Eg. A slight raising of the voice precedes a visit to Bunnings for some me time. There really is nothing quite as therapeutic as a big shed filled with tools, nuts and bolts, paint and plants. It’s a place where I can be free from my troubles, distracted, in amongst the latest in DIY render or bathroom tiles. It’s a place to potter and think. I know that I’m not alone.

I considered this just yesterday as I found myself in my local Bunnings - the big orange and green beacon for troubled souls, seeking refuge from their reality, whatever that may be, seemed particularly busy and yet there was an eerie calm. Some patrons are there for a specific purchase, for others it’s a place of asylum.

source: http://www.bunnings.com.au/

This day I took particular comfort in the nuts and bolts aisle, not an aisle I frequent regularly, however, I thoroughly enjoyed the vibe and I think I’ll be back. I must’ve stood there for 20 mins, staring at all the different nuts and bolts, washers and wing nuts. Mind boggling. How can there be a need for all these different sized little bits and pieces, all manufactured out of different materials? It’s crazy. And it had certainly sent a fellow patron crazy. He was loudly muttering to himself as he sifted through the high tensile bolts next to me. I’m not sure if he was speaking to the bolts or to himself. Reciting his little Bunnings mantra.  

As I continued to stare vacantly, bolt-washed, a couple wandering up the aisle caught my attention. He – “I need something to do this to this part in the kitchen”. Her “What? How is that going to work?” Him “Don’t. Shut Up.” Her “What? Wait, I have an idea.” Him “Stop. No. Don’t you go getting any ‘ideas’.” Her “But it’s a good idea.” The Bunnings experience is not as enjoyable with a companion. It’s best as a solo activity.

I continued on my journey. I wandered aimlessly and yet with intent. Suddenly ‘remembering’ things that I needed and then becoming distracted by others on my way to find it. I noticed a lot of men with small children. I wondered whether they had escaped the family home voluntarily or whether their wives at home had somehow tricked them into leaving her alone. Maybe she had raised her voice and they had scurried to the car hurriedly, not knowing where they were going until they arrived, another soul drawn to the big orange and green beacon. I mean there were a lot of them. Bunnings should do a marketing campaign around this. Lowest prices ARE just the beginning… they are also keeping relationships intact all over the country!

Although we cannot predict the future, we can be aware of stories and advice from other married couples as well as a few assumptions thrown in for good measure.

I know that my surname will increase from 2 syllables to a whopping 4 in the process of changing from a 7 letter name to an unprecedented 12 letter name.  

I am acutely aware that Fiancés Pecs will more than likely turn into ‘moobs’ over time.

I know that we would be ill advised to go to sleep angry after we are married, that it’s all about compromise, that we need to keep the lines of communication open etc etc.

I can only assume that the number one question I will be asked by friends, colleagues and strangers will change from “How are the wedding plans coming along?” to “When are the kiddies coming along?”.

Marriage may change other things as well. But in my view it’s all about the solution. Problems will happen and squabbles will inevitably be had. It’s how you deal with them that counts. My pitch will always be for a little bit of space every now and then. Time to be an individual and perhaps practice a little bit of self development so you can go back to that relationship as a stronger, better and more understanding human being.   

And as I returned home from my jaunt to the local big orange and green temple, with 4 brand new bolts with washers to match, a ball of string, some dish cloths, and an attitude adjustment,  the world was again as it should be.

Walking on Wedshells

Being on the bridal train is a special journey. It’s nothing like any other train I’ve ever been on. It doesn’t smell bad and you don’t need to listen to your iPod the whole way and wear sunglasses in a vain attempt to avoid eye contact and, god forbid, conversation with other passengers. Being on the bridal train allows you to sit back and bask in your acquired situational narcissism, in the full knowledge that no one of the other passengers (who are not the bride) can do anything about it.

That’s right –I’ve discovered that a ticket on the bridal train is like a get out of jail free card, you can say or do just about anything pertaining to Wedding and no one has any right of reply whatsoever - even if they disagree. You might catch the occasional exchange of an eye roll or two in response to your idea but I’m yet to come across anyone brave/stupid enough to verbalise their disapproval/disagreement. It’s fascinating.

Back in the real world, my ideas are met with objections, disapprovals and disagreements on a daily basis. But the minute I step foot back onto that bridal train, a blanket of silence descends. I’m greeted with big cheesy grins and lots of enthusiastic head’s nodding up and down. Even when prompted “Do you think that’s a good idea?”, wary fellow passengers exclaim “Yes, sounds amaaaaazing!”, followed by the usual disclaimer “It’s your day, as long as you’re happy.” Translation: “Omg you can’t be serious, that sounds ridiculous but I can’t actually say that to you in case you have a mental breakdown and throw me off the train and I would like to stay on the train it smells nice so I’m just going to agree with you no matter what.”

This is fine, I enjoy being agreed with. It could be dangerous. Things may get slightly out of control. Something like this might happen:

source: http://au.tv.yahoo.com/four-weddings/galleries/photo/-/10090988/episode-three-photos/10092368/

All because everyone was walking on wedshells. What are wedshells? Well, they are special little wedding eggshells, and if you break one a little bridezilla escapes and comes and bites you on the face.

So why do people walk on wedshells? Here are some reasons that I have adapted from some material on borderline personality disorder, which is apparently not too dissimilar to being on the bridal train.

Walking on wedshells describes a sense of feeling it is necessary to maintain an abnormally high level of vigilance, or an unusually high level of caution in a particular situation. You may feel this state of vigilance is necessary because you hope that by being very careful in all that you say and do, their "crazy bridezillarish" behavior might be reduced or avoided.

Everyone walks on wedshells from time to time in order to preserve the peace in their lives. The question becomes, "how much walking on wedshells is good for me and those around me? When does it become dysfunctional and unhealthy?"

If you live with someone who is on the bridal train, walking on wedshells has probably become part of the ‘background’ of your life. During periods of peace and calm, you may find yourself anxiously wondering when the next storm will hit, knowing that it may be unexpected and totally out of the blue.

Like walking on something thin and fragile, you fear that a single misstep or mistake will cause the bridal train to derail. You watch your Bride for signs of approval or disapproval of your every word, every thought, every action, and every behavior.

It is important for you to realize that you are a sane person in an insane situation. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you certainly cannot cure it. You are entitled to a little peace in your life and to your own reality.

So, how do you avoid walking on wedshells?

Speak clearly, calmly and slowly. Maintain YOUR version of reality, while being as validating as possible. Lower your expectations that the Bride is going to act rationally. It isn’t going to happen. At least not overnight.

All in the detail

Oh sorry, did I say detail. I meant retail. It's all in the retail. The retail detail. I refer, of course, to now famous Engagey and my so far rampaging spending frenzy. It's been fun so far. Some have chortled at my pre planning (it has been in a conceptualisation phase for some 2,064 hours) but it pays to be organised. Especially when you are ordering goods from Thailand, China and, of course, IKEA. And I have encountered a number of stuff ups which have given me grounds to be proud of my organisation. You must always factor in time to account for the stuff ups of others.

First it was cushion inserts from IKEA. Not feeling strong enough to make the trip to the store, I thought I would be smart and order online. Website shows 29 items available. Great, I'll take 20. I'll also take 8 stools, 8 chair pads, and a shit load of floating candles. Done. Now you would think the retail centre of the earth could sort their postage/online retail environment out. No, they have to call you back once they have calculated the specific postage amount, ask if you still want to go ahead and then take payment over the phone! Over the phone! pffft.

Once that little ordeal is finished with, I move onto sourcing cushion covers. This involves a trip to Spotlight, Big W, Lincraft to find the most cost effective way to get these suckers organised. MOB had resigned herself to the fact that her office would be turned into a sweatshop for a weekend while she toiled away cutting, sewing and stitching 24 cushion covers in three different colours yet to be determined. As my sewing skills show no further advancement past sewing on a button (and poorly at that), the only skill I could bring to the table/sweatshop was drinking and entertainment. "I'll bring wine!", I promised poor MOB.

In the meantime, IKEA calls back, they only have 1 cushion in stock in Perth. I can get them from Adelaide or I can wait. Finally, Adelaide becomes a relevant and useful place to me. If nothing else, at least I - all of us -  can take that away from this experience.

Yeah, Engagey has been well out of hand for some time now. People think house party and think - easy. Well, i guess it could be. Depending on how fabulous you wanted it to look. Think a few drink tubs and some party pies and sausage rolls - not that fabulous. Think cushion covers and stools, floating candles, solar hanging chinese lanterns, potted herbs in tin cans, punch, sangria, a cocktail on arrival, a new outdoor setting, a busy bee to prune roses and other shrubs, a homemade hanging system displaying photos, a menu of amazing homemade canapes', 30,000 candles, 30,000 jars for candles - getting slightly more fabulous. OK, so i didnt end up getting the outdoor setting and I held off on organising the Michael Buble and Norah Jones tribute duet. Yes, win for me.

Cushion covers arrived from Thailand last week, they took about 20 days to get here as they had to go through customs. Problem, only 15 out of 24 had made it. Uh oh. Won't panic have time. Stop and remind myself that they are cushions. But they are the orange ones that are missing and out of the three colours, I really wanted the orange. Oh well. Just before I started this post, another box arrives at reception. I have had everything delivered to work. There isn't too many days that go at the moment by that a parcel/package/box doesnt arrive for me. Our receptionist walks the box to my desk, dumps it and sneers "another dress?". No actually, its my M.I.A cushions covers! I've just opened the box. They are red. Not orangey red. FFS.

Perhaps it's destiny, the universe is speaking to me here. The orange lanterns I wanted from IKEA weren't in stock either. And the outdoor setting I found on Gumtree with the orange cushions was sold right out from under me. I'm thinking orange is out. So what exactly in universe not liking about orange? Let's find out what it could be.

Orange is a power color. It is one of the healing colors. It is said to increase the craving for food. (this could be it - universe knows about jenny). It also stimulates enthusiasm and creativity. Orange means vitality with endurance. People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere. Lady luck's color is orange. (This could be it also, Lady Luck and I both wore orange to an event once and haven't seen eye to eye since) I have been told that if a change of any kind is need in life, just burn an orange candle for 7 nights.

Orange Energy
While red is associated with fiery heat, orange is associated with the benign warmth of the sun. A dynamic color to be sure, orange offers a more thoughtful control than explosive red. Curiosity is a driving characteristic of orange, and with it comes exploration of new things.

Put some orange in your life when you want:
 - to spice things up when you feel time is dragging
 - to become more involved in something
 - to increase creativity
 - relief from things becoming too serious
(source: http://crystal-cure.com/orange.html)

Red on the other hand:

Red is the warmest of all colors. Red is the color most chosen by extroverts and one of the top picks of males. On the negative side red can mean temper or anger. In China, red is the color of prosperity and joy. Brides wear red and front doors are often painted red. Red is Tuesday's color. Red roses symbolize passionate love. Ruby rings should be worn on the left hand. Red is the color of Mars. This planet is known as the God of War.

Red Energy
Red is associated with fiery heat and warmth. It can also mean danger (burning).
Red is the color of blood, and as such has strong symbolism as life and vitality. It brings focus to the essence of life and living with emphasis on survival. Red is also the color of passion and lust.

Put some red in your life when you want:
- increased enthusiasm and interest
 - more energy
 - action and confidence to go after your dreams
 - protection from fears and anxieties

Red wins. Defo. Thanks universe.

Anyway, I think my rampaging spending spree is petering out. Recent and ongoing purchases are much more considered and rational. Ok well I'm getting there. At the weekend I took a visit to Bunnings (the other retail centre of the universe) in search of standing ice buckets and any other inspiration I could find. I did two laps with a basket, picked up some gardening gloves, went back for a trolley, 2 more laps. Found some standing ice buckets for $50 a piece. Put two in the trolley, walked up and down the aisle 10 more times, removed ice buckets from trolley, found myself wandering aimlessly through the nursery, had a quick chat to myself, and proceeded to the checkout with my trolley and my $1.95 gardening gloves. The sales assistant looked at me quizzingly "Is that it?" he says glancing down at my pink cotton glove purchase. I think I'd walked past him at least two or three times whilst doing bog laps of the store. He knew I was after something else and seemed determined not to let me out of the store without spending at least $100. Maybe thats a store policy. I don't know I don't think I've ever left Bunnings without spending at least that much. "Yes?" I replied. Yes, this is all I need. I'm cured. I'm done. Deco's are for the most part taken care of! For now. Nearly.

Disclaimer: Engagey guests may not actually receive a cocktail on arrival.

Jenny - along for the ride

I have this friend. Well, we're not really friends, perhaps more aquaintances would be a more accurate description of our relationship. Jenny comes in and out of my life. Sometimes she sticks around for a long time, with me for every bump in the road, every celebration, every waking moment, she's there. At other times, I won't see her for an extended period. She just goes. I don't know where. I can't say I'm unhappy when she's not with me but, at the same time, sometimes she is a big part of my life.

I've called her Jenny, Jen for short, after that annoying, chubby, red head girl on "Winners and Losers" who no one ever really seems to want around but she doesn't get it and clings on anyway. I get the feeling that some of the other characters keep her around for old times sake. It's easier to keep her around rather than go through the trauma of cutting ties and parting ways. I feel exactly the same way about my Jenny.

Except my Jenny isn't actually a person. She's a part of me. She's that flabby, subcutaneous layer of fat that resides between my skin and my abdominal wall.

Piss off Jenny, I hate you.

Needless to say, Jen's not invited to the Engagement Party.

Fiance doesn't like to acknowledge Jen's presence at all. Even when she's staring him right in the face, he pretends he can't see her. I know he can. He also doesn't like the fact that we've named her. Maybe that's because in his mind, she doesn't exist. Or maybe, in his mind, I'm not crazy. Perception is reality people. But my reality is Jenny is real and the time has now come again for her to pack her ugly little suitcase and catch the triglyceride train to burn town.

I'm sure I'm not the only one with a Jenny problem at the moment. I ran into another bride to be at the weekend who is already on a diet in prep for her Engagey. I, myself, recently bought a dress for my Engagey online, always a risk when you're unsure of the sizing and fit. And they only had the one size left. I got it delievered to work yesterday. It sat under my desk all day long, waited for me in the car while I was at the gym with Jenny, and then sat in my bedroom through dinner. I purposely waited until after dinner so I could enjoy what could have well may been my last real meal for sometime.

The moment of truth had arrived. Jenny and I apprehensively pulled on the dress. We all know that moment when the zip goes up, up, up and.........hope upon hope......closes. Phew. It fits. Jenny seems content. I'm happy. We have work to do but it's not a disaster.

Shedding for the wedding seems to be a common activity for brides in the lead up to their big day. So much so that there are now special "bridal boot camps" devised just in case you hadn't been tricked out of all of your money by everyone else in the world yet. If boot camp fails, there's always the cabbage soup diet, the lemon detox diet and a myriad of other high risk, low effectiveness ways in which you can rid yourself of your hard earned.

Jenny and I prefer the gym. And if your own Wedding can't motivate you to get your caboose on that treadmill / spin bike / step / yoga mat, then at least you will have a friend/aquaintance for life.

Rules of Engagement

Rules of engagement: In military or police operations, the rules of engagement (ROE) determine when, where, and how force shall be used. Such rules are both general and specific, and there have been large variations between cultures throughout history. The rules may be made public, as in a martial law or curfew situation, but are typically only fully known to the force that intends to use them. The ROE should comply with the generally accepted martial law. (Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Rules of Engagement: A sitcom, starring David Spade, that debuted on CBS in 2007. Produced by Adam Sandler's Happy Madison Productions in association with CBS TV and Sony. Now in its 6th season.

Rules of actual engagement? There aren't any that I'm aware of.
Seriously, someone needs to come up with some real life rules of engagement that we can integrate into the day to day life of being engaged. We used to have tradition to lean on to give us a loose framework of how things should run. Since tradition went out the window, along with good manners, good morals, and the ability to merge in peak hour traffic and effectively use roundabouts correctly, we're all flying a bit blind. The intergenerationalism and multiculturalism that (i assume) are features of most weddings, mean that we are dealing with a whole variety of perceptions and interpretations of tradition and varying levels of attachment to this tradition.

OK, so as tradition has taken a backseat over the years (or so people would like to think) it is still very much at the heart of the whole idea of marriage. And it's not a bad thing people! Tradition is not a dirty word. As much as sometimes we dont like to admit it we, as humans, need rules. At least a loose bundle of the social fabric that allows us to interact on a daily basis. In the context of a wedding, its that foundation that the rest can be built on. The pizza base before all the toppings go on, the most essential part that if its not there, you dont have a pizza at all, you just have some tomato sauce and a bit of cheese really.

At the moment, I would say we are just in the process of understanding the recipe for the best dough in order to make ourselves the best base. As previously mentioned, I've already got a couple of toppings set aside ready to go, no cheese.

But i digress. The rules of engagement? where are they? I refer mostly to this engagement party caper which we are in the midst of planning.

Being engaged for some weeks now, a common comment of any wedding /engagement talk is, "who cares what anyone else thinks - its all about the two of you." This is simply not true. OK, so the nitty gritty of betrothal IS about us, but, in my limited experience, it's about balance, trying to keep everyone happy, and graciously accepting advice no matter how misdirected it may be! Its as if, getting engaged opens the flood gates to friends, acquaintences and absolute strangers alike to make outrageous suggestions of what, how, where, when and why. A colleague of Fiances (one I've never met or heard of) just the other day took it upon herself to suggest a song that should definitely be played at our reception, because she likes it and thinks it is a very nice song to be played at a wedding. Instances like this are now not uncommon.

I must point out at this time, that I have become a little (fiercely) protective of Wedding. It's ours and you can't touch it. However, we will share it with a select few.

Apologies for the incoherent and disjointed rambling today. I must explain myself and the reason for this particular post.

Engagement Party has arrived on the scene. We'll call it Engagey for short. Engagey is at this point not causing me to lose sleep, but is has been a bit of a chameleon. At this point, I'm a bit in love with Engagey as it exists in my head. How that is translating into real life is another story. But for the most part it's fun, exciting and

Engagegy is like Weddings little sister, the crazy, carefree one that is a bit of a basketcase but in an affable, easy going way. Wedding is a little more serious and uptight. Wedding could take a leaf from Engagey and vice versa. You can tell they are related but they are both distinctively different.

Apparently, it's not true Engagement etiquette to throw a party but according to "The A-Z of manners and etiquette" there are a few "important" engagement party rules and guidelines to follow including but not limited to:

1. No one should be invited to the engagement party that is not invited to the wedding. - Uh oh. Our Engageys first faux pas. Fiance we have a problem, there is no way we can have 3 soccer teams at Wedding. We are more than likely not abiding by this one - not a good start. More so, Engagey is a good way for guests to lavish gifts upon us and impress us with their cordiality. There is still time for them to fight it out for a spot in the top 80 or so for Wedding.   

2. Guests are not expected to bring gifts to an engagement party, but if they do, open them in private or after the party. Don't forget to send thank you notes.   Oh yes, by all means they are not expected to bring gifts, but it WILL help secure a place in the aforementioned top 80. And if we dont like the unexpected gift, no one will know cos we'll open it in private and each mark down a score out of 10 which will be considered as a part of a total score for the evening.

3. The bride's father is the first to invite the guests to raise their glass in honor of the bride-and-groom-to-be. The guests will drink a toast to the happy couple. The couple do not drink at this time. - Sweet baby jesus. I'm actually reading these for the first time just now. Looks like we're going to need a comprehensive set of notes to know when and where and under what circumstances we are able to sip our drinks. Sounds like fun.

The groom-to-be says a few words, then offers a toast to honor his bride-to-be and her family.

After his short speech, other guests may propose toasts to the couple and their parents. 

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Traditionally, the parents of the bride host the engagement party, but there aren't hard and fast rules.

Alternatively, the bride and groom can host it themselves, or a friend or other family member can undertake the hosting duties.

It is not good engagement party etiquette to ask your bestman or matron of honor to host the engagement as they will have other parties to host, don't forget the Bridal Shower and the Bachelor Party.  - oh yeah, we won't be forgetting thoooooooosssseee.

6. The style and size of the party depends on your budget and what you prefer. It can be a formal affair with printed invitations and reply cards, a casual backyard barbecue, or anything in between.

Typically, engagement parties are a cocktail event or casual in nature since you want the happy couple to be able to mix and mingle throughout the evening with family and/or friends.

7. For those with especially long engagements, engagement parties are held one to three months after the engagement, and/or about a year before the wedding.

For others it can be held any time more than six months before the wedding.

Well, i asked for it! Geesh. Looks like there are some rules in place. There is no reason you should feel obliged to have a party to celebrate your engagement. its not a requirement, but if you do choose to do so, there are an extensive set of guidelines and etiquette that come along with it. Now is anyone else as confused as me?

Bugger it, screw you etiquette, its all about us anyway.

Wearing Juanita

The venue was the foundation for the rest of my planning. Most wedding chitter chatter with any girl usually includes the peppering of basic, predictable questions vaguely along the lines of dress, hair, colours etc.
"Do you know what kind of dress you want?" Depends on the Venue/time of year etc. "Flowers?" Are seasonal.  "Do you know what you will do with your hair?" Depends on the dress, which depends on the venue..so on and so forth you get the picture. I mean all very well and good having all these amazing ideas but, for me, its a case of being able to understand what, why, when, where and how it all fits together which means having the venue organised complete with a date to match! Now that we have that, we can move on!

And boy did I move, a week later I had a photographer, a DJ, two florists, a potential hairdresser and half a celebrant. They are the basics covered off. I'm guilty of it on occasion but I've gotta say, I'm not a huge fan of leaving it until the last minute. Luckily, I still have 657,000 minutes left to organise the rest of it.

MOB was excited about dress shopping. We kept it on the down low and organised an appointment (last minute) to try on a couple of sneaky wedding dresses. It was a special MOB moment. She's seen it all before when MOH was planning her wedding but I knew she still had some mother of the bridely tears left in her. It was my duty to extract them.

One of the things I'm still struggling with on the whole dress thing...is the names. Do we HAVE to give them a name? They are not people. I want to wear MY dress, I dont want my dress to wear me. So, wow, I tried on some really amazing gowns. With really shitty names. I'm sorry I don't care how beautiful she is, I'm not wearing Juanita. I'm also not wearing Bernadette, Tallulah, Delilah, Dakota, Brooklyn or Jezabel. Jezabel!! Seriously, I would be more than happy to wear JLK3349 in white. Bad news is that this little marketing palava is widespread. I'd call it an epidemic, but it's more than likely pandemic. Like most industries, its seems to be a case of, someone started doing it so we should do it too.

It would be OK if I was allowed to name the dress. In fact maybe someone should get out there and tell these designers and boutiques this little pearl of wisdom. You can have this beautiful gown, its yours, you can even name it, if you want to. I would love to name my own dress. Like when I eventually have children, I'd like to name them too. Its not like the midwife or whatevs is going to deliver the baby, clean it up and hand it to me and go "Congratulations! Meet little Latishia!" noooo, take it back, I want one with a better name.

Anyway, I tried on over 10 dresses. It was tough going. And still no tears from MOB. I was starting to panic. The consultant assured me that we still hadnt pulled out the big guns, if all else failed we could stick a veil on, the veil turns on the waterworks apparently.

But then, a vision in white, i emerged from the fitting room, stood on the box and walah. Finally. Get the woman a tissue, get me out of this thing and lets get out of here! Mission accomplished. Made MOB cry and figured out what I dont want. A few weeks on, the idea of what i do want becomes more and more clear. But I haven't even started thinking of names.