The venue was the foundation for the rest of my planning. Most wedding chitter chatter with any girl usually includes the peppering of basic, predictable questions vaguely along the lines of dress, hair, colours etc.
"Do you know what kind of dress you want?" Depends on the Venue/time of year etc. "Flowers?" Are seasonal. "Do you know what you will do with your hair?" Depends on the dress, which depends on the venue..so on and so forth you get the picture. I mean all very well and good having all these amazing ideas but, for me, its a case of being able to understand what, why, when, where and how it all fits together which means having the venue organised complete with a date to match! Now that we have that, we can move on!
And boy did I move, a week later I had a photographer, a DJ, two florists, a potential hairdresser and half a celebrant. They are the basics covered off. I'm guilty of it on occasion but I've gotta say, I'm not a huge fan of leaving it until the last minute. Luckily, I still have 657,000 minutes left to organise the rest of it.
MOB was excited about dress shopping. We kept it on the down low and organised an appointment (last minute) to try on a couple of sneaky wedding dresses. It was a special MOB moment. She's seen it all before when MOH was planning her wedding but I knew she still had some mother of the bridely tears left in her. It was my duty to extract them.
One of the things I'm still struggling with on the whole dress thing...is the names. Do we HAVE to give them a name? They are not people. I want to wear MY dress, I dont want my dress to wear me. So, wow, I tried on some really amazing gowns. With really shitty names. I'm sorry I don't care how beautiful she is, I'm not wearing Juanita. I'm also not wearing Bernadette, Tallulah, Delilah, Dakota, Brooklyn or Jezabel. Jezabel!! Seriously, I would be more than happy to wear JLK3349 in white. Bad news is that this little marketing palava is widespread. I'd call it an epidemic, but it's more than likely pandemic. Like most industries, its seems to be a case of, someone started doing it so we should do it too.
It would be OK if I was allowed to name the dress. In fact maybe someone should get out there and tell these designers and boutiques this little pearl of wisdom. You can have this beautiful gown, its yours, you can even name it, if you want to. I would love to name my own dress. Like when I eventually have children, I'd like to name them too. Its not like the midwife or whatevs is going to deliver the baby, clean it up and hand it to me and go "Congratulations! Meet little Latishia!" noooo, take it back, I want one with a better name.
Anyway, I tried on over 10 dresses. It was tough going. And still no tears from MOB. I was starting to panic. The consultant assured me that we still hadnt pulled out the big guns, if all else failed we could stick a veil on, the veil turns on the waterworks apparently.
But then, a vision in white, i emerged from the fitting room, stood on the box and walah. Finally. Get the woman a tissue, get me out of this thing and lets get out of here! Mission accomplished. Made MOB cry and figured out what I dont want. A few weeks on, the idea of what i do want becomes more and more clear. But I haven't even started thinking of names.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The 'W' bomb
Yeah, the 'W' bomb. Shit yeah. I mean venue shopping. We are going venue shopping. Married couples express heart felt well wishes to us upon our imminent departure, describing it as a 'special and exciting' adventure! Up until now it has felt like diving head first into a pool in the middle of winter. An empty one. But we are finally on our way. We've taken a week off work. We had originally planned to spend this time in Broome, then Langkawi, then Koh Samui, Koh Phangang, then Dunsborough. Turns out our last plan was our best plan. I was kind of half thinking that this might be THE holiday that I'd come back packing a few extra carats on the way home. Turns out my proposal clock was a few weeks out. Perfect timing however for venue shopping.
Our first appointment was booked for 11am Monday morning. Unfortunately, ongoing Bridal Party invitations and ancillary celebrations continued into the most part of Sunday night. Monday morning consisted of some excitement, mostly counteracted by one and a half hangovers and a great deal of grumpiness. Not the ideal start to a three hour journey down south.
Fiance and I had previously indulged in discussions, albeit fanciful, on proposed wedding locations in our pre engaged state. Some of these discussions prompted by MOH (at home with the kids dreaming of exotic locations for her next holiday - and excuses for such holidays, our yet to be conceived wedding at the top of the list). MOH dreamt of the South West, Bali or perhaps Thailand. To be honest there weren't too many places that we fancied in Perth. Maybe all the Perth wedding venues are overdone and just didn't rate on the we-want-this-to-be-special-relaxed-and-not-keep-us-in-debt-until-we-are-60 meter. I had done some preliminary research into our options pre proposal, somehow though, when the actual proposal came, we already had our favourites.
The benefit of hindsight is a benefit that can neither be overlooked or ignored, but one thing that each and every one of my pre-Fiance friends attest to upon their first impressions of now Fiance is that he was 'so chillled out', a nice way of them saying that he was my perfect complement, what they were really saying was that he was like the alkali to my acid, a neutralisation of my neuroticism - they hoped. He has and continues to be.
This, in turn, led to our inherent investigation of a region which we knew we replicated what we stood for as a couple. Every time we took that trip down south, and it had not been often, we instantly felt at home.
And so, stubborn hangovers subsiding for the most part, we arrived into Dunsborough. Here is a map for those playing along at home who are unfamiliar with the South West WA.
The region is breathtakingly beautiful and has everything you could ever really hope for, magnificent coastline with plenty of surf breaks, an abundance of wineries (massive, big, medium, small, and 'boutique'), trees, fresh air and really bloody nice, down to earth people. A weekend for us in Dunsborough equates to a week of yoga, 3 massages and 2 facials. Very relaxing.
We (me) had shortlisted 5 potential wedding venues, all wineries in between Dunsborough and Margaret River all vying for that top spot. No prize for second. First cab of the Rank was Wise Winery, an ammaaazing spot just out of Dunsborough heading to Eagle Bay. This place has the WOW factor as you drive along the narrow, windy, tree lined roads, turn into the driveway of Wise and the landscape opens up with views across Geographe Bay to the coast.
Our first appointment was booked for 11am Monday morning. Unfortunately, ongoing Bridal Party invitations and ancillary celebrations continued into the most part of Sunday night. Monday morning consisted of some excitement, mostly counteracted by one and a half hangovers and a great deal of grumpiness. Not the ideal start to a three hour journey down south.
Fiance and I had previously indulged in discussions, albeit fanciful, on proposed wedding locations in our pre engaged state. Some of these discussions prompted by MOH (at home with the kids dreaming of exotic locations for her next holiday - and excuses for such holidays, our yet to be conceived wedding at the top of the list). MOH dreamt of the South West, Bali or perhaps Thailand. To be honest there weren't too many places that we fancied in Perth. Maybe all the Perth wedding venues are overdone and just didn't rate on the we-want-this-to-be-special-relaxed-and-not-keep-us-in-debt-until-we-are-60 meter. I had done some preliminary research into our options pre proposal, somehow though, when the actual proposal came, we already had our favourites.
The benefit of hindsight is a benefit that can neither be overlooked or ignored, but one thing that each and every one of my pre-Fiance friends attest to upon their first impressions of now Fiance is that he was 'so chillled out', a nice way of them saying that he was my perfect complement, what they were really saying was that he was like the alkali to my acid, a neutralisation of my neuroticism - they hoped. He has and continues to be.
This, in turn, led to our inherent investigation of a region which we knew we replicated what we stood for as a couple. Every time we took that trip down south, and it had not been often, we instantly felt at home.
And so, stubborn hangovers subsiding for the most part, we arrived into Dunsborough. Here is a map for those playing along at home who are unfamiliar with the South West WA.
We (me) had shortlisted 5 potential wedding venues, all wineries in between Dunsborough and Margaret River all vying for that top spot. No prize for second. First cab of the Rank was Wise Winery, an ammaaazing spot just out of Dunsborough heading to Eagle Bay. This place has the WOW factor as you drive along the narrow, windy, tree lined roads, turn into the driveway of Wise and the landscape opens up with views across Geographe Bay to the coast.
"Wow." Fiance and I said in unison as we drove towards the winery restaurant for our meeting with the function manager and a spot of lunch. There is NO point basing a decision on location alone. Food and wine is of the utmost importance. I would rather have the reception in a hole that had been carved into the ground as long as we were surrounded by people we loved, and we could serve those people really great food paired with the plying of equally great wine. As chance would have it, Wise happens to have both of these things as well as spectacular views and a certain ambience. Fiance called it early. And we hadn't even sampled the wines. Cellarrrrrr dooorrrrrrrr. I love Cellar Doors! From that awkward moment of approaching the bar, the fact that you start to feel tipsy after just one or two small tastes of wine, down to the amazing and interesting people you can sometimes meet. Add the 'W' bomb to this and the cellar door at Wise turned into an hour and a half long pow wow with the lovely lady behind the bar.
The 'W' bomb is something that most people can relate to and usually want to talk about and share their perspective and experience with you. If that person also happens to be standing behind a bar pouring wine, then that is my idea of a good, useful conversation. After twigging onto this, I opened many a conversation over the 2 days with "We're getting married/we're looking for wedding venues/we've just gotten engaged and....." I would recommend doing this even if you're not getting married/engaged/venue shopping just to see what kind of freebies you get offered. We eventually tore ourselves away from Wise, with a bag full of discounted goodies as well as some handy hints and tips from a seasoned local.
After checking into our accommodation at Smiths Beach, Yallingup, a quick survey of the facilities and the size of the restaurant, this was discounted as a venue (even though it hadn't originally been on the shortlist).
Onto the next venue, Clairault.
'W' bomb worked a treat here too. Couple of complimentary vino's later, we called it a day for venue shopping, with plenty to talk about over dinner. I had a captive audience in Fiance as we dined at the Cape Wine Bar in Dunsborough. Amazing Food. Check them out next time you're in town.
Day 2 Venue Hunting: first port of call was Vasse Felix. We dropped in early and without a pre-arranged appointment but the staff were more than willing to be of assistance and spend as much time with us as we needed. Really good coffee and a really enthusiastic chat were highights of this short visit as we departed for Margaret River for some brekkie. We had two more venues on the list, both just out of Margaret River. And both didn't come up to the mark, we didn't even bother with the cellar door! So, we quickly narrowed it down to two. Vasse Vs Wise. And decided to be fair and compare apples with apples, we had to go back to Vasse Felix and sample their wares.
Cellar door before lunch is always a cracking idea. Again, amazing service, super knowledgable and another perspective on the region and weddings in general! These guys really laid it on for us. Complimentary sparkling and some nibbles preceded our astounding main courses. This was going to be a touuuugggggh decision. Luckily we had a three hour trip back to Perth to mull over it. In the end it came down to a flight of stairs and a couple of km's really. By the time we were at the Canning Bridge, it was pretty much locked in. Wise has it by a whisker.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sister - Jamie McDowell
Blubbered more than once over this song. Very poignant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ_cn4Cd75k
A much better version is available for download from i Tunes. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ_cn4Cd75k
A much better version is available for download from i Tunes. :)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Bridal Party
OK a quick update on Wedding. Wedding is behaving like a petulant child, demanding my attention at every moment. Even when I'm distracted enough by work and other incidentals, Wedding always finds a way to steal back my attention and hold it for an extended period of time. Although, it seems to be improving. I no longer have a lunch hour, I have Wedding hour. Thoughts slowly come together and ideas start to make sense.
Anyway, the bridal party. That's a fun thing. Choosing people in your life that you value so much that you want them to stand next to you while you get married. It was pretty easy for me. Fiance, again, struggled. I can't say too much because even at this moment as Wedding grows and develops every day, we are still down a bridesman, i mean groomsman. I'm pretty sure he has been selected and locked in but he is yet to be formally asked. It's driving me insane. It's like people who save their easter eggs until christmas time (like MOH) or who speak with a stutter, stumbling over words and sentences, repeating the start of a word over and over again. I'm always the person who finished peoples sentences, I don't have the patience when I know what they are going to say anyway. I always give Fiance his birthday/christmas presents the day before because I'm too excited to wait. So this is killllllllliiiiiiinnnngggg me.
I don't care how noncholant the boys are about all the other wedding stuff. THEY CARE about their half of the bridal party. They probably just want someone who they know can organise a decent bucks party but it seems like more than that to me and it's gorgeous and amazing. Man love that is.
Again, my side, pretty easy. A nod to the past and a glimpse to the future. My sister, my sister in law to be, and Rose Byrne (LOL). All gorgeous, amazing, strong young women.
Fiance started with a shortlist of 7. SEVEN. We spent more than one hour discussing the potential match ups, pros and cons of each, like you would when assembling any good team. Can't wait until we can announce the full starting line-up.
Anyway, the bridal party. That's a fun thing. Choosing people in your life that you value so much that you want them to stand next to you while you get married. It was pretty easy for me. Fiance, again, struggled. I can't say too much because even at this moment as Wedding grows and develops every day, we are still down a bridesman, i mean groomsman. I'm pretty sure he has been selected and locked in but he is yet to be formally asked. It's driving me insane. It's like people who save their easter eggs until christmas time (like MOH) or who speak with a stutter, stumbling over words and sentences, repeating the start of a word over and over again. I'm always the person who finished peoples sentences, I don't have the patience when I know what they are going to say anyway. I always give Fiance his birthday/christmas presents the day before because I'm too excited to wait. So this is killllllllliiiiiiinnnngggg me.
I don't care how noncholant the boys are about all the other wedding stuff. THEY CARE about their half of the bridal party. They probably just want someone who they know can organise a decent bucks party but it seems like more than that to me and it's gorgeous and amazing. Man love that is.
Again, my side, pretty easy. A nod to the past and a glimpse to the future. My sister, my sister in law to be, and Rose Byrne (LOL). All gorgeous, amazing, strong young women.
Fiance started with a shortlist of 7. SEVEN. We spent more than one hour discussing the potential match ups, pros and cons of each, like you would when assembling any good team. Can't wait until we can announce the full starting line-up.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Get Your Groom On Board
I read this in one of my (15-20) bridal magazines (thanks to MOH and friends for this never ending supply) just the other day. It was another brides top five tips for planning a succesful wedding. One of these top tips was "get your groom onboard".
Fiance and I had discussed planning roles and responsibilities about 16 hours in. The general consensus was that they would pretty much all be mine. He had effectively given me full control and expressly stated that he did not want to be involved in anything to do with flowers, photographers (apparently they are just photos and all look the same anyway), or bonbonierres. Especially bonbonierres. I recall a conversation we had early one morning. I hadn't been sleeping well, my mind preoccupied with the most trivial details. This particular night, bonbonierres. "I dreamt of bonbonierres", I explained to Fiance, my mind still ticking over with ideas, how I could integrate the wedding favours into the table design, what were some sustainable options that were still tasteful and would be a uninanimous hit amongst the guests, bonbonierres that people would talk about for years to come. It's moments like these that signify the very early stages of weddingmania, a marker of my marbles slowly starting to roll away, one by one. Fiance couldn't help, "What is a bonbon?" he asks. Another marble escapes, "Bonbonierres", i correct, "You don't know what a bonbonierre is?" OK, admittedly, I would be worried if he did, but in my sleep deprived, marble losing state, I was in disbelief.
Coincidentally, about 48 hours later, we were browsing through our local book shop. Fiance came across this one
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Blurb: A wedding is about you and your partner, your friends and family and fun times, not silver-gilded wedding programs and bonbonniere (don't ask). Enjoying the wedding process is about perspective, good humour and not taking the whole production too seriously. So sit back, learn a bit about wedding stuff, your bride and what she's going through, and have a few laughs along the way.
I suggested that Fiance pick up a copy. He didn't. I'll be heading back to the bookstore this weekend to grab a copy for him (and maybe i'll have a read to). Anything to help fiance understand what I'm going through, if not to at least understand some of my psychoweddingbabble language.
It's tough on the boys. They experience all the stress in the lead up to the proposal, then after a period of calm and pure happiness, its the girls turn. As usual, its always harder and more stressful for the girls. But we really bring it on ourselves. Even from the first wedding conversations I had with people I was saying, "we just want something low key, we're not going to stress about it, it's not our style". Not "our" style, but maybe my style.
With the benefit of hindsight, I'm now able to realise that things can get stressful when you don't have a clear idea of what you want. There are so many questions to be answered, so many options and so many decisions to be made. I'm a pretty indecisive person, i struggle making a decision between two types of tinned tomoatoes at the shops. I need Fiance to give the final approval, "that one". Or, from time to time, a stern word, "it's your decision babe, just choose one."
Anyway, I digress. Back to this little concept of "getting your groom onboard". I had a discussion with a girlfriend on the weekend on this. Talking of wedding plans, she asked whether Fiance was getting involved. "Not really" i replied. I know him and he trusts me. If there is something I think might be borderline, then I'll run it past him. I give frequent but brief updates. Unecessary to Fiance. She assured me that her wedding plans took much the same route. Her fiance only stepping in as required with ambiguous interpratations of some theming ideas. She recalled regretting ever asking his opinion when her ideas were met with objection. We also shared stories of having heard other fiances totally getting on board. They would be intimately involved in every decision right down to choosing the ribbon to go on the invites. No thankyou. That's just not right. Stories like this make me pretty grateful that fiance is more than happy for me to run with it.
Fiance and I had discussed planning roles and responsibilities about 16 hours in. The general consensus was that they would pretty much all be mine. He had effectively given me full control and expressly stated that he did not want to be involved in anything to do with flowers, photographers (apparently they are just photos and all look the same anyway), or bonbonierres. Especially bonbonierres. I recall a conversation we had early one morning. I hadn't been sleeping well, my mind preoccupied with the most trivial details. This particular night, bonbonierres. "I dreamt of bonbonierres", I explained to Fiance, my mind still ticking over with ideas, how I could integrate the wedding favours into the table design, what were some sustainable options that were still tasteful and would be a uninanimous hit amongst the guests, bonbonierres that people would talk about for years to come. It's moments like these that signify the very early stages of weddingmania, a marker of my marbles slowly starting to roll away, one by one. Fiance couldn't help, "What is a bonbon?" he asks. Another marble escapes, "Bonbonierres", i correct, "You don't know what a bonbonierre is?" OK, admittedly, I would be worried if he did, but in my sleep deprived, marble losing state, I was in disbelief.
Coincidentally, about 48 hours later, we were browsing through our local book shop. Fiance came across this one
I suggested that Fiance pick up a copy. He didn't. I'll be heading back to the bookstore this weekend to grab a copy for him (and maybe i'll have a read to). Anything to help fiance understand what I'm going through, if not to at least understand some of my psychoweddingbabble language.
It's tough on the boys. They experience all the stress in the lead up to the proposal, then after a period of calm and pure happiness, its the girls turn. As usual, its always harder and more stressful for the girls. But we really bring it on ourselves. Even from the first wedding conversations I had with people I was saying, "we just want something low key, we're not going to stress about it, it's not our style". Not "our" style, but maybe my style.
With the benefit of hindsight, I'm now able to realise that things can get stressful when you don't have a clear idea of what you want. There are so many questions to be answered, so many options and so many decisions to be made. I'm a pretty indecisive person, i struggle making a decision between two types of tinned tomoatoes at the shops. I need Fiance to give the final approval, "that one". Or, from time to time, a stern word, "it's your decision babe, just choose one."
Anyway, I digress. Back to this little concept of "getting your groom onboard". I had a discussion with a girlfriend on the weekend on this. Talking of wedding plans, she asked whether Fiance was getting involved. "Not really" i replied. I know him and he trusts me. If there is something I think might be borderline, then I'll run it past him. I give frequent but brief updates. Unecessary to Fiance. She assured me that her wedding plans took much the same route. Her fiance only stepping in as required with ambiguous interpratations of some theming ideas. She recalled regretting ever asking his opinion when her ideas were met with objection. We also shared stories of having heard other fiances totally getting on board. They would be intimately involved in every decision right down to choosing the ribbon to go on the invites. No thankyou. That's just not right. Stories like this make me pretty grateful that fiance is more than happy for me to run with it.
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Anti-Bridal Expo
You would think a bridal expo would be a fairly good place to visit after a recent proposal. In fact, I had been planning to go anyway, proper engagement ring or not - hey a girl has got to be organised. As luck would have it, I just happened to get proposed to the week before expo hit town. Great timing. A great place to start, get ideas, check out some themes, colours, dresses, photographers, invitations etc. So, approximately 164 hours in and with one of my BM's in tow, I headed straight to Burswood Grand Ballroom with an open mind just dying to be filled with inspiration and ideas, $15 entry fee? no worries, I'm sure it'll be worth it, I would've paid $50!
There was a severe lack of oxygen in the room, girls of all shapes, sizes and ages looking each other up and down, as if it was some kind of Perth Bride of the Year competition. Luckily, BM had brought along her fake engagement ring so she could feel like a part of it all. This made for some particularly awkward moments, especially our first encounter with an exhibitor to whom BM was paying particular attention. "Which one of you is getting married?", she asked innocently. BM, silent, continued to leaf through the photo album she had been so interested in having obviously heard the question but unsure of how to answer it. Awkwardness ensued as the hesitation continued. BM had worn her fake engagement ring but had not planned her fake wedding or for the questions that would be peppered at her throughout the day. I jumped in after too much time for an honest response had elapsed, "both of us". It was that, or we walked away pretending to be deaf mutes. BM shouldn't have been embarrassed, after all, just a week previous, I too had planned to don a fakey and crash the expo. A fraud amongst a bevy of self righteous brides to be with REAL diamonds on their finger, all in the name of good planning and being organised. ha.
We were drowning in a sea of over zealous exhibitors, thrusting their brochures and goodie bags at us violently. My head was spinning, I'm not sure if it was from the lack of oxygen, the heat or the fact that i was carrying a large tote and two bridal magazines in one arm causing a severe lack of blood flow through one side of my body.
Well, no thanks I'm not really too keen on going paint balling for my hens do. WOAH, get away from me celebrant troll with crazy purple and red hair, you will not be ruining my wedding photographs. I can now add wedding/funeral celebrant to my list of potential occupations when im middle aged, eccentric and willing to do anything for just a little bit of attention. "I'm getting married in a church", BM snipes at one equally hideous celebrant who solicits us with her brochures, "my mum has it alllll planned." Oh good, BM was slowly but surely getting into character. She was like my fake bride body guard, shielding me from the cheap, tacky cake people (did you know they can make your wedding cake look just like a sand castle?) and causing the dodgy catering people to put their flyers down and slowly back away with just a look. She wasn't able to save me however from the horrific dress lady. We had strayed into cheap, this-dress-is-totes-made-in-bali ville and me, in my vegetative trance like state, was easy pickings for the cheap dress vultures. I cant even remember what kind of information she barked at me but I was somehow drawn to her when she asked me "are you getting married?", yes i replied she had me well within her clutches now. "Do you need a dress?", Of course i need a frickin dress you horrible woman! What kind of question is that? Her well rehursed sales pitch started with "This is my daughters shop. We're down in Rockingham." ahhuuummmmm, ba bum. Sorry lady, you lost me at Rockingham. Nothing good has ever come out of that place. I wish I was one of those people who could just be really rude and walk away mid sales pitch, take a leaf out of BM's book, she had it down pat and seemed to be enjoying herself. However, this expo was really testing my patience though, if it was ever going to happen, i think it could happen here.
Oh god, BM is talking to the paintballing guy.
My peripheral vision suggests an odd shape approaching. It's a man. A groom to be with his bride to be who has somehow managed to trick her fiance into coming to expo with her. He looks at us, we look at him. Our eyes say "Wow, she made you come. You are either in the closet or she has you so badly under the thumb that you are now only a shell of a man." All the magazines try to tell you to "get your groom on board", but he doesn't deserve this, its too far. Maybe he does, maybe he was out all night with the boys and didn't call then got home and threw up in your sneakers. But even that doesn't really warrant punishment by bridal expo. It's just mean and not something you would ever do to someone you loved.
I'm wandering aimlessly trying to find something i can feign interest in. And then, my prayers were answered, was it an oasis? a mirage? no, this was definitely an overpriced bar. I didnt care, I would've given my left arm for wine, which was pretty much now about to fall off anyway.
BM and I took up front row seats with our wines and waited for the next runway show to start.
Before the amazing fashions went on show, we were treated to an encore performance by 'Sax and the City', an old guy who plays the sax, accompanied by two karaoke princesses. I say princess in the way you would say princess fergie, not really much of a princess at all, just opportunistic, in the right place at the right time, and thats where being right stopped and the rest just went terribly, terribly wrong. I spent the first 2 minutes of their performance convinced that it was some kind of theatre, a joke. But slowly, reality took hold, these people were really trying to make music.
It really set the tone for the rest of the show. At least my expectations had ben lowered. A seemingly never ending procession of 15 year olds paraded about in front of us in hideous creations. Even they looked embarassed. The maybe slightly older male models were slightly more entertaining. But watching socially awkward 15 yr old girls and a 17 yr old boy (oh and dont forget the token plus sized model for effect) did not so much as stir my inner bride. Thank god for wine. It got worse. Lingerie, they put them in lingerie. But it was not sexy, tasteful lingerie for your wedding night. It was sleazy, two dollar hooker type lingerie. One even came out wearing a cop uniform. They even got the fat girl in on it with some handcuffs. Oh god.
Finally it was over, I left the bridal expo feeling like i didnt want to have a wedding at all. It was everything I would never want in a wedding and more. It took at least 2 more bottles of wine and some tapas at Imp to try and put the whole experience behind us. And then Fiance walked into the cafe, as soon as I see him, I'm suddenly OK and excited all over again.
There was a severe lack of oxygen in the room, girls of all shapes, sizes and ages looking each other up and down, as if it was some kind of Perth Bride of the Year competition. Luckily, BM had brought along her fake engagement ring so she could feel like a part of it all. This made for some particularly awkward moments, especially our first encounter with an exhibitor to whom BM was paying particular attention. "Which one of you is getting married?", she asked innocently. BM, silent, continued to leaf through the photo album she had been so interested in having obviously heard the question but unsure of how to answer it. Awkwardness ensued as the hesitation continued. BM had worn her fake engagement ring but had not planned her fake wedding or for the questions that would be peppered at her throughout the day. I jumped in after too much time for an honest response had elapsed, "both of us". It was that, or we walked away pretending to be deaf mutes. BM shouldn't have been embarrassed, after all, just a week previous, I too had planned to don a fakey and crash the expo. A fraud amongst a bevy of self righteous brides to be with REAL diamonds on their finger, all in the name of good planning and being organised. ha.
We were drowning in a sea of over zealous exhibitors, thrusting their brochures and goodie bags at us violently. My head was spinning, I'm not sure if it was from the lack of oxygen, the heat or the fact that i was carrying a large tote and two bridal magazines in one arm causing a severe lack of blood flow through one side of my body.
Well, no thanks I'm not really too keen on going paint balling for my hens do. WOAH, get away from me celebrant troll with crazy purple and red hair, you will not be ruining my wedding photographs. I can now add wedding/funeral celebrant to my list of potential occupations when im middle aged, eccentric and willing to do anything for just a little bit of attention. "I'm getting married in a church", BM snipes at one equally hideous celebrant who solicits us with her brochures, "my mum has it alllll planned." Oh good, BM was slowly but surely getting into character. She was like my fake bride body guard, shielding me from the cheap, tacky cake people (did you know they can make your wedding cake look just like a sand castle?) and causing the dodgy catering people to put their flyers down and slowly back away with just a look. She wasn't able to save me however from the horrific dress lady. We had strayed into cheap, this-dress-is-totes-made-in-bali ville and me, in my vegetative trance like state, was easy pickings for the cheap dress vultures. I cant even remember what kind of information she barked at me but I was somehow drawn to her when she asked me "are you getting married?", yes i replied she had me well within her clutches now. "Do you need a dress?", Of course i need a frickin dress you horrible woman! What kind of question is that? Her well rehursed sales pitch started with "This is my daughters shop. We're down in Rockingham." ahhuuummmmm, ba bum. Sorry lady, you lost me at Rockingham. Nothing good has ever come out of that place. I wish I was one of those people who could just be really rude and walk away mid sales pitch, take a leaf out of BM's book, she had it down pat and seemed to be enjoying herself. However, this expo was really testing my patience though, if it was ever going to happen, i think it could happen here.
Oh god, BM is talking to the paintballing guy.
My peripheral vision suggests an odd shape approaching. It's a man. A groom to be with his bride to be who has somehow managed to trick her fiance into coming to expo with her. He looks at us, we look at him. Our eyes say "Wow, she made you come. You are either in the closet or she has you so badly under the thumb that you are now only a shell of a man." All the magazines try to tell you to "get your groom on board", but he doesn't deserve this, its too far. Maybe he does, maybe he was out all night with the boys and didn't call then got home and threw up in your sneakers. But even that doesn't really warrant punishment by bridal expo. It's just mean and not something you would ever do to someone you loved.
I'm wandering aimlessly trying to find something i can feign interest in. And then, my prayers were answered, was it an oasis? a mirage? no, this was definitely an overpriced bar. I didnt care, I would've given my left arm for wine, which was pretty much now about to fall off anyway.
BM and I took up front row seats with our wines and waited for the next runway show to start.
Before the amazing fashions went on show, we were treated to an encore performance by 'Sax and the City', an old guy who plays the sax, accompanied by two karaoke princesses. I say princess in the way you would say princess fergie, not really much of a princess at all, just opportunistic, in the right place at the right time, and thats where being right stopped and the rest just went terribly, terribly wrong. I spent the first 2 minutes of their performance convinced that it was some kind of theatre, a joke. But slowly, reality took hold, these people were really trying to make music.
It really set the tone for the rest of the show. At least my expectations had ben lowered. A seemingly never ending procession of 15 year olds paraded about in front of us in hideous creations. Even they looked embarassed. The maybe slightly older male models were slightly more entertaining. But watching socially awkward 15 yr old girls and a 17 yr old boy (oh and dont forget the token plus sized model for effect) did not so much as stir my inner bride. Thank god for wine. It got worse. Lingerie, they put them in lingerie. But it was not sexy, tasteful lingerie for your wedding night. It was sleazy, two dollar hooker type lingerie. One even came out wearing a cop uniform. They even got the fat girl in on it with some handcuffs. Oh god.
Finally it was over, I left the bridal expo feeling like i didnt want to have a wedding at all. It was everything I would never want in a wedding and more. It took at least 2 more bottles of wine and some tapas at Imp to try and put the whole experience behind us. And then Fiance walked into the cafe, as soon as I see him, I'm suddenly OK and excited all over again.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
The Wedding Planner Within
A lot of this planning stuff seemed to happen organically. Almost as if my inner wedding planner had awoken, a sleeping giant, a dormant volcano slowly, quietly bubbling underneath unbeknownst to innocent bystanders.
By the Tuesday after the long weekend, a mere 3 days after Proposal, I was formulating guest lists. Somehow i instinctively knew that this was a prerequisite for any future planning activities. Maybe I’ts my schmarketing background demanding a logical approach, the 'whats' of the what, where, when and how - why taken care of and compartmentalised. Prospective Guests, our family and friends, essentially became numbers, quantities, covers, passengers, chairs. Objects stripped of any personality to fill spread sheets and order forms.
Fiance sighed indignantly at the first mention of Guest List. Not recognising it as an integral part of any further planning (of which he also did not wish to be involved with). I saw it as something that was not only the foundation on which other crucial activities relied but also something that Fiance would struggle with. Guys just don’t think about that kind of stuff in advance. I knew he would want to invite three soccer teams, everyone from work as well as everyone he ever went to school with. Ever. Yep, I was pretty much right. It warranted a serious sitting down and a grown up discussion. I showed him my initial list and suggested he at least give it some thought over the coming days.
Much to my surprise, Fiance returned home from work the following day, with a printed list of guests (numbers to me). It was extensive. “A good starting point”, I said. Now we arrange them into tiers. The ‘must haves’, the ‘really would like to haves’ and the ‘if we cans’. Then there are the ‘maybes’.
It was excruciating but also strangely cathartic to go through the process of classifying your friends in such a way. And also fascinating that some that may have been considered ‘must haves’ not so long ago, had slipped into the realm of ‘maybes’.
Something that should be done perhaps on an annual basis, like sorting your wardrobe after a change in season or cleaning out the pantry. Who would have ever thought that Wedding could prompt such insightful life lessons. Although, the introduction of facebook really negates the need to make an event of it, the cleansing of the friendship database is now a perpetual and fleeting judgement call, based on frivolous and unspoken criteria. More often than not, ‘your status updates annoy me so you can no longer be my friend’, they are cast off like lepers, intolerable and unnecessary. The same ruthlessness must be applied to the Guest List. Each person/friend/acquaintance carefully considered for their particular return on investment. What value are you bringing to my life person/friend/acquaintance? And how long do I expect you to hang around for. Family members cannot be classified in the same way. They belong to another group, the ‘non-negotiables’. Controversial and contentious and non-negotiable.
So, after all is said and done, we have a tidy little list carefully formatted. The best part? It’s flexible. Those who didn’t make the cut are put onto a reserve list and filed away onto their own little work sheet. The emergency list. Can’t wait to make that phone call – “hey look, we didn’t officially invite you cos you’re not really one of our preferred friends but we’ve had a cancellation and we pulled your name out of a hat. We would love you to come and share our special day with us, now that our real friends can’t make it, if you promise not to be too much of an asshole.”
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By the Tuesday after the long weekend, a mere 3 days after Proposal, I was formulating guest lists. Somehow i instinctively knew that this was a prerequisite for any future planning activities. Maybe I’ts my schmarketing background demanding a logical approach, the 'whats' of the what, where, when and how - why taken care of and compartmentalised. Prospective Guests, our family and friends, essentially became numbers, quantities, covers, passengers, chairs. Objects stripped of any personality to fill spread sheets and order forms.
Fiance sighed indignantly at the first mention of Guest List. Not recognising it as an integral part of any further planning (of which he also did not wish to be involved with). I saw it as something that was not only the foundation on which other crucial activities relied but also something that Fiance would struggle with. Guys just don’t think about that kind of stuff in advance. I knew he would want to invite three soccer teams, everyone from work as well as everyone he ever went to school with. Ever. Yep, I was pretty much right. It warranted a serious sitting down and a grown up discussion. I showed him my initial list and suggested he at least give it some thought over the coming days.
Much to my surprise, Fiance returned home from work the following day, with a printed list of guests (numbers to me). It was extensive. “A good starting point”, I said. Now we arrange them into tiers. The ‘must haves’, the ‘really would like to haves’ and the ‘if we cans’. Then there are the ‘maybes’.
It was excruciating but also strangely cathartic to go through the process of classifying your friends in such a way. And also fascinating that some that may have been considered ‘must haves’ not so long ago, had slipped into the realm of ‘maybes’.
Something that should be done perhaps on an annual basis, like sorting your wardrobe after a change in season or cleaning out the pantry. Who would have ever thought that Wedding could prompt such insightful life lessons. Although, the introduction of facebook really negates the need to make an event of it, the cleansing of the friendship database is now a perpetual and fleeting judgement call, based on frivolous and unspoken criteria. More often than not, ‘your status updates annoy me so you can no longer be my friend’, they are cast off like lepers, intolerable and unnecessary. The same ruthlessness must be applied to the Guest List. Each person/friend/acquaintance carefully considered for their particular return on investment. What value are you bringing to my life person/friend/acquaintance? And how long do I expect you to hang around for. Family members cannot be classified in the same way. They belong to another group, the ‘non-negotiables’. Controversial and contentious and non-negotiable.
So, after all is said and done, we have a tidy little list carefully formatted. The best part? It’s flexible. Those who didn’t make the cut are put onto a reserve list and filed away onto their own little work sheet. The emergency list. Can’t wait to make that phone call – “hey look, we didn’t officially invite you cos you’re not really one of our preferred friends but we’ve had a cancellation and we pulled your name out of a hat. We would love you to come and share our special day with us, now that our real friends can’t make it, if you promise not to be too much of an asshole.”
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