Sometimes you need to find the time to just breathe. I’ve found some time today to visit the beach to do some blogging and some breathing, alone yet surrounded by eerily calm activity. It’s early. Early birds seem to be calm, happy people. Maybe it’s because they are still half asleep. I’ve been drawn to the coast today, like an ant drawn to Jackson and Mika’s food bowl. It’s forecast to be 41 degrees today and it’s overcast and humid. I’ve scurried here like an ant with lots of other ants. But the difference is, I’m a waterproof ant.
We're all very ant like at times in our lives. Rushing around seemingly without purpose and without any sense of rationality, always so busy. You never see an ant just chilling out do you? Kicking back, putting his little ant feet up? Unless it’s a queen ant. They get plenty of time to lie about, and that’s probably why they live 2.5 times longer than your regular worker ant. Stress = short life span. So sometimes it’s nice to just breathe, and blog, at the beach.
So, big news. I've had a wedding breakthrough. The dress. Has arrived. In my life. After a long, arduous search, I have found THE dress. Or maybe she found me. It has been a search fraught with the full gamut of emotions and was nothing like how I thought it would be.
The unofficial search began about a day after Fiancé and I became engaged, followed by a couple more serious shopping trips, which although amazing and fun, served only to further complicate and cloud the concept in my head. I purposely left a visit to this particular boutique until other options were exhausted knowing it was going to test the top end of my budget.
The process started with an interview and a full disclosure of how much I was willing to spend before I was even allowed to think about trying anything on. It came complete with a woman who spoke only in adjectives. I'm just beginning to feel like I can speak and write again with vigour after seeing this woman on three separate occasions. She left me drained. I had no adjectives. She had stolen them all from me in some bizarre act of adjective osmosis.
She explained that she would begin by trying on some ‘amazing’ shapes on me so that my body could speak to her. My body would speak to her and she would translate what it said to the dresses and we would have a solution. She was the dress whisperer. Seemed perfectly simple to me, body obliging. Hopefully Jenny could keep her mouth shut in all of this.
A brief was given via my wedding scrapbook. A visual feast of tulle and satin moulded into 'amazing shapes'. Unfortunately, the adjective stealing dress whisperer informed me that the cupboard was essentially void of anything vaguely my concept. They would have to design something specifically for me. She made it sound like they had always intended to create a gown just like the one I was describing, but I know better. I had inspired her. I was her muse.
Just now as I sit here at the beach, breathing and trying to find some peace on the grass under the shade of an old, straggly tree surrounded by no one, a thin lady has sought me out, sitting too close for my comfort talking to the voices in her head. She edges closer and closer to me.
The conversation continues. I guess we all have our own internal commentary but sometimes it makes its way to the outside. Who am I to judge? I sit here documenting my every thought and go on to publish it. The only difference is, mine are consciously shared with an audience. I believe this woman’s public commentary is largely involuntary and is shared with an imaginary audience. I wonder if she was once perfectly sane and then started planning a wedding and lost her mind.
More than likely.
So, as I was saying, I would have to wait for my concept to be designed before I could try it on. So I waited. Patiently.
Nearly a month later, I was back. And this time I was able to try on another amazing shape which very closely resembled the image that had previously existed only in my mind. However, they had been unable to completely finish it in time for my appointment; the bodice was entirely full of pins. I would have to use my imagination and do my best at looking amazing without being stabbed by one of the 235 pins. I succeeded with the first. I didn’t need much imagination, even in its unfinished form, it was clear that this dress was really speaking my language, the translation had obviously been clear. The dress whisperer had woven her adjective laden magic. I was falling in love all over again.
They say that love hurts. Love scars, love wounds and mars. And my dress love was going to hurt me beyond the pins that had stabbed me deep into the upper abdomen during that first fitting. I always like the most expensive things. I don’t mean too, it always just seems to turn out like that. It’s not fair. I very rarely go for it though, usually settling for something more with a more realistic price tag, achieving the same objective. I’d have to do some serious soul searching and book cooking before I could commit to the dress whisperer.
I sought advice from people who had been in the same situation and those who hadn’t. Close friends and family, and complete strangers. The response across the board was largely favourable and I started to feel less sick in the stomach. Fiancé gave me his support, figuring that the acceptance of Dress would give him long term bargaining power to procure things he wanted up to the same value. But I was sleepless and stressed and ant like. An angry, sad, excited, little ant.
As I said, I’d normally continue looking for something more conservatively priced, something less nice which would do the job. But this was my wedding dress we’re talking about. It’s not something you can go back and settle for. Well some can. Not me. Now, after some time has passed I can justify it to you in three or four different ways. My coping mechanisms have kicked in and I’m able to argue strongly in favour of Dress.
Of course, I asked adjective lady what the dress was called before committing to the purchase. She revealed that Dress was so new; she was yet to be named. Perfect. This was music to my ears. Perhaps they would let me name her. She was designed for me after all. I explained that I would purchase Dress if they named her after me. She chortled at the suggestion. My name is obviously not ridiculous enough to name a wedding dress after. I’m sure if my name was Fililaylia they would be more than obliging.
I had returned to the store 2 days later to see Dress in a more finished form before she flew to Sydney. I still loved her. Dress whisperer drowned me in adjectives, “the bow will be just a little bit more…adorable, gorgeous, charming, lovely, beautiful, delicious, cute, amazing, stunning, pretty, striking, perfect, glamorous, elegant etc etc.”
It was her. I’d found her. I don’t get to see her again until July, when my measurements will be taken. This date was determined by the dress whisperer asking me how long I would need to get skinny. She didn’t say it like that but that’s what she meant. “How are you feeling?” she queried. I looked at my mum for the answer. The truth is, I had been feeling pretty good, until then. She assured me she meant nothing by it but simply that it’s common for brides to go on some crazy diet or new exercise plan and end up having to pay for extra alterations accordingly. July was the latest I could go without effecting the timeline too badly. Jenny will be upset. She really has to go this time. At least for 6 months. So it seems no wonder that stress sets in. If I don’t maintain my weight from July – November, I’ll be looking at extra alts and extra $$’s. But it’s not actually as bad as it sounds, we’re talking in excess of 3cms, and I have until July to get where I need to be, and stay there. Piece of cake. Gluten, fat, sugar and carb free cake.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The Bride Stripped Bare
I should really turn this into a vide blog, or at least carry around one of those little voice recorder things with me. I feel like I’m doing all of you such a disservice by simply relying on my memory and allowing my subconscious and my conscience to edit out the bits that aren’t so amazing. Because anyone who is here or has been here knows it’s not always fun. People piss you off. Sometimes a little bit and sometimes a lot. The degree of which varies depending on the subject and, more importantly, depending on the person and their relative proximity to the event and to your life.
Now, I make no apology for being an over analysing drama queen, it helped me to achieve remarkable results in English Literature at school and would have perhaps made me a very good lawyer in a previous life. In fact, it would probably have made me a very good one in this life also, had I not grown bored after that first year law/finance. I remember when I made that decision to tottle off and study law after my first 2 years studying Commerce at another institution. I was walking down the stairs to my car after a particularly uninteresting something and it hit me. I think I called my mum straight away to tell her the news. “I’m going to study law mum.” To which I received the standard mum reply – “fabulous,as long as it makes you happy.” Well, sorry mum, turns out it didn’t make me very happy at all. Although it would have perhaps made me very rich eventually – at the time it made me very bored and fearful that if I continued, I could count on that being a characteristic of my life along with depression, cynicism and a great deal of stress. That and I couldn’t decide on a specialist area – Commercial Law? Too boring. Family Law? Too sad. Criminal law? Too psycho. I think the ones that continue on to finish their entire law degree, which takes about 15 years to complete in full, with the same mindset as me without any real niche as such end up being those personal injury lawyers that you see advertised on those really bad ads on TV and on the back of the yellow pages.
Anyway, I digress (not like me), but my point is that there is so much going on the in wedding sub plot that is not always visible or acknowledged in the daily rehearsal. It’s the other characters, some of which may not fully understand their role or know the best way to play it. The ones that haven’t rehearsed before or the ones who forget their lines. Sometimes they want a bigger part or more lines. And they all have their own unique story to tell.
But imagine if a movie went into great detail to develop every character and went to great lengths to incorporate each characters story and they all had the same amount of lines to speak. How would you tell who the main characters were? And how would the movie have any meaning at all? At the same time, it wouldn’t be a very interesting movie if you heard from no one but the protagonists.
So not only are you playing the main role as bride and groom in this amazing wedding story, but we also find ourselves challenged with the role of writer and director, confronted with so many sub plots and managing them in the best way we know how. All the while, the undercurrent of wedding is to remain fun and exciting. This is no mean feat when there are so many feelings, sentiments, emotions out of your control that have come to be through miscellaneous unrelated events.
If I can reflect back to the start of this journey, I’m overcome with emotion. The people we’ve met along the way, the conversations we’ve had, the decisions we’ve made – might seem so simple, but has given me deep insight into so much more. I’ve learnt things about myself but more importantly, other people. It’s all about the people, some strangers and some so very close to me. Perceptions, on both sides perhaps, challenged in such a confronting way.
I’ve found allies and support in the most unexpected places and it’s a beautiful thing. Wedding has already given me so much. So many special moments and the provoking of many thoughts. I love every up and I love every down. The downs are where you find the best lessons and the most growth. All of this, AND the best is yet to come!
Now, I make no apology for being an over analysing drama queen, it helped me to achieve remarkable results in English Literature at school and would have perhaps made me a very good lawyer in a previous life. In fact, it would probably have made me a very good one in this life also, had I not grown bored after that first year law/finance. I remember when I made that decision to tottle off and study law after my first 2 years studying Commerce at another institution. I was walking down the stairs to my car after a particularly uninteresting something and it hit me. I think I called my mum straight away to tell her the news. “I’m going to study law mum.” To which I received the standard mum reply – “fabulous,as long as it makes you happy.” Well, sorry mum, turns out it didn’t make me very happy at all. Although it would have perhaps made me very rich eventually – at the time it made me very bored and fearful that if I continued, I could count on that being a characteristic of my life along with depression, cynicism and a great deal of stress. That and I couldn’t decide on a specialist area – Commercial Law? Too boring. Family Law? Too sad. Criminal law? Too psycho. I think the ones that continue on to finish their entire law degree, which takes about 15 years to complete in full, with the same mindset as me without any real niche as such end up being those personal injury lawyers that you see advertised on those really bad ads on TV and on the back of the yellow pages.
Anyway, I digress (not like me), but my point is that there is so much going on the in wedding sub plot that is not always visible or acknowledged in the daily rehearsal. It’s the other characters, some of which may not fully understand their role or know the best way to play it. The ones that haven’t rehearsed before or the ones who forget their lines. Sometimes they want a bigger part or more lines. And they all have their own unique story to tell.
But imagine if a movie went into great detail to develop every character and went to great lengths to incorporate each characters story and they all had the same amount of lines to speak. How would you tell who the main characters were? And how would the movie have any meaning at all? At the same time, it wouldn’t be a very interesting movie if you heard from no one but the protagonists.
So not only are you playing the main role as bride and groom in this amazing wedding story, but we also find ourselves challenged with the role of writer and director, confronted with so many sub plots and managing them in the best way we know how. All the while, the undercurrent of wedding is to remain fun and exciting. This is no mean feat when there are so many feelings, sentiments, emotions out of your control that have come to be through miscellaneous unrelated events.
If I can reflect back to the start of this journey, I’m overcome with emotion. The people we’ve met along the way, the conversations we’ve had, the decisions we’ve made – might seem so simple, but has given me deep insight into so much more. I’ve learnt things about myself but more importantly, other people. It’s all about the people, some strangers and some so very close to me. Perceptions, on both sides perhaps, challenged in such a confronting way.
I’ve found allies and support in the most unexpected places and it’s a beautiful thing. Wedding has already given me so much. So many special moments and the provoking of many thoughts. I love every up and I love every down. The downs are where you find the best lessons and the most growth. All of this, AND the best is yet to come!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Down to business...
It’s been a while since my last post. I have no excuse other than I haven’t quite felt coherent enough to put something together. That, and I haven’t had one particular topic to share with you. Wedding is still very much almost always front of mind, but sometimes other life things get in the way. Not only are we (me) planning a wedding, we are also renovating our villa in preparation for sale later this year, and I’m in the midst of starting a little side venture marketing business. (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pure-MPRD/254134344649795 for those who are interested!)
The business is much like the wedding at the moment – a work in progress that takes up a lot of my time and energy. In fact, at this very point in time wedding could even regard business as some sort of nemesis. They could be best friends in some other life, but for now, they are very much competing for my attention and I can’t choose a favourite. I imagine that it is similar to having children and being asked which one you love more. You see, I love different things about each of them. In some respects they are polar opposites but they also share some fundamental characteristics. Most importantly, they are both teaching me things.
I have wondered on occasion if I could have perhaps planned wedding in much the same fashion as business. And on occasion, I have mused that perhaps I have in many ways. There has been a loose plan for both, which in time will be tightened up as we work towards some strategic objectives for both business and wedding.
It is a well know business myth that 90% of businesses fail within their first year. More often than not, this failure can be attributed to bankruptcy and/or bad planning. I also wonder if the same principles apply and if badly planned (or unplanned) weddings also fail within their first year. Not a risk I’m willing (or able apparently) to take.
So it’s time to get serious.
Truth be told, I’m actually starting to feel a little anxious. Time is ticking. Driving home from the beach a couple of days ago, it suddenly smacked me upside the head. In exactly 11 months and 3 hours time, I would be walking down the aisle. 11 months. Not a long time in wedding hours. Shit. God. Shit. Refer to this post for a refresher on wedding time: http://www.the12408hourwedding.blogspot.com/2011/11/ceeeeleebrant-good-times-come-on.html
People tell me I shouldn’t be worried, that I have heaps of time and that I appear to be stupidly organised.
Hearing about other disorganised wedding plans puts me at ease somewhat, but it’s short lived when I realise these people are from another planet. I refer to a colleague of mine who is to be married in early March. She is yet to book a florist, spent the week before Christmas buying wedding shoes. She is also hassling my baker extraordinaire FILTB to make her a wedding cake, choosing to place her first call to him in the chaotic last days before Christmas. The thing is, she seems fine. Not a sign or symptom of panic in the girl whatsoever. I do my very best to avoid wedding talk with her as a) I’m not interested, but b) I get stressed FOR her.
As I mentioned though, we’re not very alike. She bubbled over with excitement today, exclaiming how excited she was that she had found her wedding ring in the Boxing Day sales and it was a real bargain. I don’t think Tiffany’s has a Boxing Day sale.
So compared with this girl, I look like the mother Theresa of wedding planning. My wedding will love me forever and her wedding will want to change its name and runaway as soon as it’s old enough. It may never forgive her.
But I still have a lot to do. Even more so since I have reclaimed control over the only 2 things that Fiancé was in charge of. Honeymoon and suits are now back on my list. Leaving him to organise…well...nothing. Apparently his proposal was his one and only contribution to this process. I guess that deserves some credit.
Fiance occassionally throws around names like control freak, but his plans so far for organising his suit etc, well, there aren't any. His idea was just to let the guys wear whatever they want. So, thats a no. Control freak or not. I know he just says things like that so I will take over, but it works. Little shit. The honeymoon we can work on together, but after a brief meeting with Fiance’s Swiss uncle over Christmas which went something like this “Oh when you come to Switzerland for your honeymoon, WE can go here and WE can go there and then WE’LL go to this place and watch some soccer match and then I can take you here etc etc”. Luckily, at the time, he was speaking in Swiss and Fiance only translated for me later, at which point I knew for sure how crucial my involvement in the honeymoon planning process will be.
So there’s absolutely no more coasting along. It’s business time. Oops no - I mean its wedding time? It’s wedding business time. Look wedding and business are just going to have to learn to get along. They are, after all, almost in the same stage of their respective planning processes. Both have a structure, key personnel and their relevant experience defined, a rough description of the product/service, we have a vague idea of both current market position and the potential for growth and the objectives for each in the short and long term, funds have been sought and allocated. We have a few decisions left to make. Pesky, little decisions. SO many decisions! And no dress.
It’s like the calm before the storm. But like the storm we had here in Perth last night. The one that I had no idea was coming. The one that woke me in the middle of night and kept me awake while it lashed its wind, lightning, hail and rain around the place. So I wonder when I will have a complete melt down. Hopefully soon so I can tick it off the list and move on. Planning for the unplanned, planning for amazing and planning not to fail. What could possibly go wrong?
The business is much like the wedding at the moment – a work in progress that takes up a lot of my time and energy. In fact, at this very point in time wedding could even regard business as some sort of nemesis. They could be best friends in some other life, but for now, they are very much competing for my attention and I can’t choose a favourite. I imagine that it is similar to having children and being asked which one you love more. You see, I love different things about each of them. In some respects they are polar opposites but they also share some fundamental characteristics. Most importantly, they are both teaching me things.
I have wondered on occasion if I could have perhaps planned wedding in much the same fashion as business. And on occasion, I have mused that perhaps I have in many ways. There has been a loose plan for both, which in time will be tightened up as we work towards some strategic objectives for both business and wedding.
It is a well know business myth that 90% of businesses fail within their first year. More often than not, this failure can be attributed to bankruptcy and/or bad planning. I also wonder if the same principles apply and if badly planned (or unplanned) weddings also fail within their first year. Not a risk I’m willing (or able apparently) to take.
So it’s time to get serious.
Truth be told, I’m actually starting to feel a little anxious. Time is ticking. Driving home from the beach a couple of days ago, it suddenly smacked me upside the head. In exactly 11 months and 3 hours time, I would be walking down the aisle. 11 months. Not a long time in wedding hours. Shit. God. Shit. Refer to this post for a refresher on wedding time: http://www.the12408hourwedding.blogspot.com/2011/11/ceeeeleebrant-good-times-come-on.html
People tell me I shouldn’t be worried, that I have heaps of time and that I appear to be stupidly organised.
Hearing about other disorganised wedding plans puts me at ease somewhat, but it’s short lived when I realise these people are from another planet. I refer to a colleague of mine who is to be married in early March. She is yet to book a florist, spent the week before Christmas buying wedding shoes. She is also hassling my baker extraordinaire FILTB to make her a wedding cake, choosing to place her first call to him in the chaotic last days before Christmas. The thing is, she seems fine. Not a sign or symptom of panic in the girl whatsoever. I do my very best to avoid wedding talk with her as a) I’m not interested, but b) I get stressed FOR her.
As I mentioned though, we’re not very alike. She bubbled over with excitement today, exclaiming how excited she was that she had found her wedding ring in the Boxing Day sales and it was a real bargain. I don’t think Tiffany’s has a Boxing Day sale.
So compared with this girl, I look like the mother Theresa of wedding planning. My wedding will love me forever and her wedding will want to change its name and runaway as soon as it’s old enough. It may never forgive her.
But I still have a lot to do. Even more so since I have reclaimed control over the only 2 things that Fiancé was in charge of. Honeymoon and suits are now back on my list. Leaving him to organise…well...nothing. Apparently his proposal was his one and only contribution to this process. I guess that deserves some credit.
Fiance occassionally throws around names like control freak, but his plans so far for organising his suit etc, well, there aren't any. His idea was just to let the guys wear whatever they want. So, thats a no. Control freak or not. I know he just says things like that so I will take over, but it works. Little shit. The honeymoon we can work on together, but after a brief meeting with Fiance’s Swiss uncle over Christmas which went something like this “Oh when you come to Switzerland for your honeymoon, WE can go here and WE can go there and then WE’LL go to this place and watch some soccer match and then I can take you here etc etc”. Luckily, at the time, he was speaking in Swiss and Fiance only translated for me later, at which point I knew for sure how crucial my involvement in the honeymoon planning process will be.
So there’s absolutely no more coasting along. It’s business time. Oops no - I mean its wedding time? It’s wedding business time. Look wedding and business are just going to have to learn to get along. They are, after all, almost in the same stage of their respective planning processes. Both have a structure, key personnel and their relevant experience defined, a rough description of the product/service, we have a vague idea of both current market position and the potential for growth and the objectives for each in the short and long term, funds have been sought and allocated. We have a few decisions left to make. Pesky, little decisions. SO many decisions! And no dress.
It’s like the calm before the storm. But like the storm we had here in Perth last night. The one that I had no idea was coming. The one that woke me in the middle of night and kept me awake while it lashed its wind, lightning, hail and rain around the place. So I wonder when I will have a complete melt down. Hopefully soon so I can tick it off the list and move on. Planning for the unplanned, planning for amazing and planning not to fail. What could possibly go wrong?
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